Out Smart-Assed by Springfield.

Damnit.

I pride myself on my abilities as a smart-ass. I can be the world's biggest smart-ass. I am the KING of being a smart-assed shithead. Really. I' m very good at it.

So, as some of you may have read, I had a little issue with Springfield Armory. Read the "Springfield 1911s are Trash?" entry for the details.

I think I'll elaborate on things a little bit. I bought a new, expensive Springfield 1911 Service Loaded pistol. On my first trip to the range, the damned thing hit like a foot low at 50yds. I was not pleased. I called springfield and they said "yeah, we'll fix it. Send it to us." The problem was, they wanted me to ship it to them on my dime. Nuh uh. No way. Time to drag out my elite smart-ass skills. Here's the email I sent to them:

"You have a very vocal, and very unhappy customer. I just bought a brand new Service Custom Loaded 1911A1. It shoots very nice groups. Every shot in the group is 4 inches low at 10yds. At 50 yards, I'm holding so much kentucky elevation that my sight picture looks like I'm trying to
shoot down a satellite.

I paid roughly $650 for this thing, and what I have is a very expensive fishing sinker. After contacting springfield customer service using the number on your website, I hear that "yeah, springfield will fix it for free, but it'll take two to three weeks."

This is unacceptable. You've sold me $650.00 worth of crap, and it's clearly not a high priority for you guys. Is selling inaccurate crap your standard operating procedure? How the hell do you guys sell anything at all?

I'll be posting this experience (as it unfolds) on every internet firearms forum I can find, and making a point of taking my $650 fishing sinker to the range with me so I can tell everyone on the line that it's a hunk of crap. I'll put a blaze orange sign on the blue case that says
"HUNK OF CRAP" in bold black letters just above the springfield logo and put it up on the shooting bench display style until this is resolved to my satisfaction.

For $650.00 I expect fedex to show up begging me to take your crap back, you guys to make it right, and return the thing to me in a couple of days time. If I'd paid $100 more, I'd expect SPRINGFIELD to show up with a mobile machine shop in my driveway, ready to fix my problems."

Here's the response I got.

"Thank you for your support of Springfield Armory. Your Springfield has an excellent warranty and an even better customer service and repair department to back it up. Our normal lead time is 2-4 weeks concerning an accuracy issue. We will however try to expedite your pistol as quickly as possible. Please call anyone in our customer service department to be issued a return authorization number, or send me your name, address and phone number and I will send one to you via e-mail. Please place this number on the outside of your package and we will have either FedEx or UPS issue a call tag for your pistols return. This will insure you are not billed at all for shipping. I am sure if you are as satisfied with our customer service as you have been dissatisfied with your current problem the signs will be much larger and more positive on your pistol box."

Pay attention to the last sentance there. It's the important one. I sent a response to that, that said to the effect, "as for the tone of my sign, we'll see how this experience plays out."

Well, one day short of two weeks later, the pistol arrived (shipped to the wrong address) fixed. Not too bad. A couple of days later, I took it to the range and test drove it. All's well. All in all, I don't guess two weeks isn't so bad, but for the money I paid, I expect the thing to hit bullseyes right out of the box.

Three days later, the coup de grace arrives at my office. The receptionist informs me that I have a box at the front desk from "Springfield Armory." She then lugs this heavy box back to my desk.

Those smart-assed bastards sent me 80 full color high-gloss (I'm sure it was $200 worth of printing costs) brochures. Presumably to go with my sign. Damnit.

Anyone want a springfield catalog? They're really nice and shiny.