Kim,
Twenty years ago today,
Would I have imagined that I'd never hold you again?
Never gaze into your almond eyes?
Never run to you as my only refuge in my maelstrom?
Never chase you through the freshly mown grass?
Could I possibly have known that I'd think of you daily?
That I'd still feel the emptiness?
That I'd pray for the infrequent visits you pay me in my dreams?
That I'd still feel the burning scar left on my soul as your mother wailed in my arms?
Would I have ever imagined the damage loss can do?
That a major portion of my life would be shaped and twisted by pain?
That I'd spend years in a chemical haze running from it?
That I'd be so angry at the numbness which caused the precious memories fade?
Would I have ever invisioned the rage I'd feel at the world?
The rage at how unfair life and death can be?
The rage at forces that would take you from us all?
The rage at god for not allowing me to take your place?
Would I ever have conceived the ache that persists?
That I'd still drive lonely stretches of road conversing with your memory?
That I'd still see glimpses of your face in the crowd?
That I'd still be crushed when that glimpse crystalizes, and is not you?
Would I ever have believed that I've gone on this long?
That I could survive even one more day?
That I could defeat the temptation to pass through the barriers and join you?
That I could find comfort without numbness?
Would I ever have guessed that I'd still feel guilty?
Guilty for not being there when you left?
Guilty that it was you and not me, when you were so deserving of life, and I was not?
Guilty for not following you to the next world?
Would I ever have understood that I could feel love again?
And that it is real?
And that she would pull me from the storm?
And that she would return life to me?
Would I ever have accepted that I could be happy?
That I'd ever have a beautiful family?
That I'd wish I could introduce you to them as my dearest friend?
That my happiness would be tainted with guilt?
Twenty three years ago,
I swore I'd never let you go.
I have kept my promise.
Would I have imagined that I'd never hold you again?
Never gaze into your almond eyes?
Never run to you as my only refuge in my maelstrom?
Never chase you through the freshly mown grass?
Could I possibly have known that I'd think of you daily?
That I'd still feel the emptiness?
That I'd pray for the infrequent visits you pay me in my dreams?
That I'd still feel the burning scar left on my soul as your mother wailed in my arms?
Would I have ever imagined the damage loss can do?
That a major portion of my life would be shaped and twisted by pain?
That I'd spend years in a chemical haze running from it?
That I'd be so angry at the numbness which caused the precious memories fade?
Would I have ever invisioned the rage I'd feel at the world?
The rage at how unfair life and death can be?
The rage at forces that would take you from us all?
The rage at god for not allowing me to take your place?
Would I ever have conceived the ache that persists?
That I'd still drive lonely stretches of road conversing with your memory?
That I'd still see glimpses of your face in the crowd?
That I'd still be crushed when that glimpse crystalizes, and is not you?
Would I ever have believed that I've gone on this long?
That I could survive even one more day?
That I could defeat the temptation to pass through the barriers and join you?
That I could find comfort without numbness?
Would I ever have guessed that I'd still feel guilty?
Guilty for not being there when you left?
Guilty that it was you and not me, when you were so deserving of life, and I was not?
Guilty for not following you to the next world?
Would I ever have understood that I could feel love again?
And that it is real?
And that she would pull me from the storm?
And that she would return life to me?
Would I ever have accepted that I could be happy?
That I'd ever have a beautiful family?
That I'd wish I could introduce you to them as my dearest friend?
That my happiness would be tainted with guilt?
Twenty three years ago,
I swore I'd never let you go.
I have kept my promise.
7 comments:
Hi, this poem Is just heartwenchingly beautiful.
Thankyou.
If this is Keith you have truly touched my heart...I know how you felt about her, I may have been one of the few. She left such a large hole in all of our lives that I don't think it is possible to fill. Hard to beleive that the day that changed all of our lives was that long ago. If you see this, i am planning on going up to see her on 8/18/08 around 10:00 AM, I want my best friend to meet my little man.......hope to see you there.
Yes. It's Keith. I may show up on the 18th out of curiosity if nothing else. I haven't been up there in a while. I'm due for a visit.
Good...hope to see you there.
Pam
AS EACH YEAR GOES BY THEY SAY IT IS SUPPOSE TO GET EASIER IT JUST HASNT, I MISS YOU SO MUCH, I THINK OF WERE YOU WOULD HAVE WENT TO SCHOOL, WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DECIDED TO BE, YOU WERE SO TALENTED AT EVERYTHING, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, I PULL YOUR NAME UP ON GOOGLE JUST TO SEE YOUR SWEET FACE WHILE I AM AT WORK, I AM SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME RIGHT NOW I CANT VISIT YOUR HEADSTONE, IM SORRY, BUT YOUR NOT THERE, I KNOW YOUR UP THERE WITH JESUS AND GOD RESIGHTING A PEOM OR CRACKING A JOKE OR JUST LOOKING AT ALL THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS AROUND YOU IN HEAVEN,MY SWEET LITTLE KIMBO, WE LOVED THE SAME MUSIC AND DRAMA AND BAND, YOU WERE MY LITTLE DOLL I GOT TO DRESS UP, CHER WISHI AND DAVE AND ME ALL WERE AND ALL ARE SO CLOSE WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH ITS LIKE A DAGGER OF FIRE IS IN MY HEART THAT EVERY YEAR I THINK WILL NOT BURN AS BAD, I MADE IT TILL TODAY, ITS LIKE AUNT LINDA MY SWEET AUNT LINDA YOUR LOVING MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, ITS BETTER TO HURT AND KNOW YOU CARE, THAN TO NOT HURT, I GUESS I SHOULD PRAY I FEEL THIS DAGGER THAT BURNS SO DEEP TO NEVER STOP. WISHING SELFISHLY YOUR WERE HERE WITH US, WHEN YOU ARE IN SUCH A MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL PLACE, REMEMBER THE TIME YOU AND WISHI WENT TO THE MALL IN THE PSYCHODELIC OUTFITS, IT STILL MAKES ME CHUCKLE, SHE MISSES YOU SO, WE ALL DO, DAVE STILL CHERICHES A LETTER YOU WROTE HIM AND LEFT ON HIS DRESSER, I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU YOU WERENT MY COUSIN YOU ARE MY LITTLE SISTER,I KNOW MY PAIN DOES NOT COME CLOSE CANNOT EVEN FATHOM THE PAIN UNCLE CHUCH AUNT LINDA LINDSEY AND ANDY FEEL.WE ALL LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH ANDREA GOT MARRIED, I MISSED HERS AND LINDSEYS WEDDINGS THAT SUCKED, BUT THEY BOTH ARE SO HAPPY WICH IS REALLY AWESOME, PLEASE KNOW HOW MUCH WE ALL LOVE AND MISS YOU EVERYDAY, SOMEDAY I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN,MY BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED BROWN EYED GIRL,REM IS MY RINGER ON MY CELL I THINK OF YOU EVERYTIME IT RINGS, IT MAKES ME SMILE, BUT THIS WEEK I GOTTA BE HONEST AGAIN I KNOW WERE YOUR AT WITH GOD AND JESUS IS SO MUCH BETTER, BUT HE TOOK YOU HOME AND THIS WEEK JUST SUCKS. I WILL TELL YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE 7TH I LOVE YOU!
Anonymous,
If you're who I think you are, I've been looking for you and your sister for years. Please email me. kmorgan@wvcdl.org.
Keith, this is the first time I've seen this, it's beyond beautiful,heartbreaking at the same time, we all feel the same way,there is still not a day goes by I don't think of her,she was our little Kimbo,living so far away I miss not getting to see Lyndsey and Andreas family grow and not get to be a part of there lives,I can't Imagine how they feel without her....we all were so close,I think of Aunt Linda and Uncle Chuck, in my eyes are angels on earth, and like you would have taking her place in a instant,My heart broke for and Aunt Linda and Uncle Chuck for all of us,we loved her so and love her still, and one day we will get to look into those almond eyes again.....this was beautiful
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